Hello whoever’s out there! Big tooth grin from lil ol me!
So I was wondering today about why people act or treat you the way they do. Family become strangers, strangers become family, friends become enemies and enemies become your friends. It’s strange. All throughout that process we never quite can be sure of people’s true intent. What intentions lurk behind those shady smiles and leering, seemingly friendly eyes? Do you want to know? Do you dare seek the truth? Is the truth too ugly? Do you ever wonder…”Dude, WHAT is your deal?”
Then we realize sometimes people are too self centered to base any decision on YOU. It must be about THEM. I’d like to think all the life lessons I’ve learned was from being thrown into a pit of lions and wolves in sheep’s clothing. Because at times that’s how I feel after finding out people true intentions were anything but good, pure, honest, friendly, what have you. And what I’ve learned from dealing with these types of two faced biznatches was….not much. I still carry around my heart on my sleeve and wonder why it hurts so much when this person turned on me. And at times I feel it’s ME. That everything done unto me was because I was a defect but it’s not. It’s something fundamentally going haywire in their circuiting. Maybe they were dealing with issues I couldn’t possibly understand.
That’s the only way to really step above rejection, two timing, hatred, jealousy, gossip and betrayal. To have compassion for those that have wronged you and move on. Like me, lessons learned are but only lessons and change is a natural progression, not a calculated, hardened one. I keep making those same mistakes… trusting people, wanting to connect on a deeper level so I give away my heart and my honesty even my secrets. It may be my biggest fault, not to have deep OTHER intentions, while so many of these cool, slick people always have their motives in mind. But I wear that fault proudly.
To act otherwise would eat me up inside eventually. In the end, when we all have to answer to ourselves, to our parents, to God, it would be awful to have to answer for two or three different faces instead of just the one.
Of course, this doesn’t discount all the truly good people, I must say. How would you know from these do-gooders if you hadn’t experienced true shadiness? Without dark there is no light, makes sense. That’s why I really appreciate, so wholeheartedly, true friendship and true, pure love when it comes my way. And I try not to take anything for granted like I once may have.
I guess if you’ve been having JUST this kind of year..well for me the last few years, they’d be a lot of growing up going on. Guess with age things are likely to get more complicated and the longer you know certain people their true colors are bound to surface. Just don’t let their true colors stain your good heart =).
I’ve just been seeing so much of this two facedness going on, so much, I think, really? REALLY?!?! I mean, for REAL?! So what I’m saying is…..
Let’s try to understand each other more and realize we are all heading in the same direction. It wouldn’t be so awful to wish each other well because that in turn will be well wishes for you and your future too. Peace and love people. The funniest thing I’ve been hearing but is so true is…”you’re better than that”.
Aren’t we all a little bit better than THAT deep inside?